


People pass by but paintings remain

by L_Ies_Ile



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben dies in an accident, Ben is some kind of ghost, Extreme grief, F/M, Not really an HEA, Rey is an artist, Rey is unable to grieve, Rey somehow dies, Soulmates, it's hurts, it's sad, like really sad, magic brush, sad story for valentines day sorry, tell me if you need more tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:01:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29431371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_Ies_Ile/pseuds/L_Ies_Ile
Summary: She shouldn't, the pain would only be greater. She knew that if she started she could never stop.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Poe Dameron / Finn (mention), Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 7
Kudos: 21





	People pass by but paintings remain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BensCalligraphySet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BensCalligraphySet/gifts).
  * A translation of [Les Hommes passent, les peintures demeurent](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29398335) by [L_Ies_Ile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_Ies_Ile/pseuds/L_Ies_Ile). 



> Hi everybody ! 
> 
> When [Fran](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BensCalligraphySet) posted this [prompt](https://twitter.com/galacticidiots/status/1354760871428419588) on twitter I was captivated. I know it was going to be a sad story 😭😭
> 
> Here is the prompt if you don't want to go to twitter :  
> "The paintbrush was a family heirloom. Whomever she painted with it would be brought to life—only for for a little while, of course.
> 
> Rey knew she shouldn’t. Knew the pain would only ever become worse.
> 
> Still, every day she painted her dead husband. Her Ben.
> 
> “Hi, sweetheart.”  
> Months went by but saying goodbye never got any easier. Every time he vanished, the wound in her heart grew a little wider, a little deeper. 
> 
> It was mid afternoon on a sunny Sunday when Rey realized what she has to do to keep him forever. 
> 
> She would paint herself in with him."
> 
> Writing this story has been cathartic for me.
> 
> ⚠⚠ Read the tags (tell me if I need to add more) and the summary of the prompt. Don't force yourself to read it if it hurts you !  
> ⚠ This story is by no means an idealization of death and suicide.
> 
> IF YOU ARE NOT FEELING OK, STOP READING AND TALK TO SOMEONE. My dm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/DauGold) are open if you need it !
> 
> PLAYLIST : [Gnossienne n°1 of Satie, original version ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwRsEoNYpbs) and [orchestral version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3Zp3QbdzpY)
> 
> The original version is really the one that sticks the best 😭😍. And for the times when Ben and Rey together[Gymnopédies Satie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnacdOIoTBQ) they are magnificent melancholy pieces on the piano.
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos on my other works, you're amazing !

They had met on Rose's birthday. Armitage Hux, Rose's boyfriend, had arrived dragging behind him his childhood friend, a friend who didn't want to be there at all, judging by his murderous gaze. A look that instantly softened when he laid eyes on Rey.

Armitage had wanted to make the introductions but Ben cut him off right away by reaching out to Rey with a "Hi, I’m Ben. You must be Rey ”accompanied by a beaming smile.

Rey had grabbed his large hand and squeezed it, smiling. “The famous Ben, Armie told us a lot about you”

"Lies I'm sure"

Although it was a night out for Rose, they couldn't help but spend much of it chatting. Rose didn't seem to resent them, on several occasions she exchanged a conspiratorial glance with Rey winking at him and she managed to send Rey and Ben to look for plates, cutlery or games precisely at the same place and at the same time.

Ben learned that the adorable brunette with sparkling eyes and a biting repartee was 24 years old and was finishing her studies as a painter. Studies she was absolutely passionate about. Ben spent his time scrutinizing her face, promising to thank Armitage later.

Rey learned that the brown giant with silky hair and athletic body was 27 years old and an aeronautical engineer. “Like my father and my grandfather before me” he clarified.

The conversation was pleasant, it was easy to laugh. Ben had a lot of humor and Rey found herself admiring the way his eyes narrowed when he smiled. He had a magnetic aura, Rey instinctively felt drawn to him. The Ben she listened to speak was a far cry from the cranky grinch Armitage had repeatedly portrayed to them.

When they parted in the evening, Ben wanted only one thing: to see her again. He timidly asked her for her number, which she immediately gave him.

He leaned forward slightly and after a moment of hesitation kissed her quickly on the cheek. "See you soon, I hope Rey".

When she got to her apartment she already had two messages from Ben:

_Hello it's Ben 👋_

_Armitage’s buddy you met tonight_

Rey stifled a laugh, as if she could have forgotten him so quickly.

"What do you think Beebee?" she asked her little orange and white cat, who was looking at her from her basket with a scowl, outraged that she dared to wake him up when she came home in the middle of the night.

She then realized that she hadn't stopped smiling since they had parted.

  
  
  


They saw each other a few days later. After many text messages exchanged, Ben had offered to accompany her to a movie.

Little did they remember from the film. What was sure was that by halfway through the movie one or both of the two at the same time had come closer and the next second they were sharing a shy kiss. If Ben was listening to himself he would have continued to kiss her adorable lips and inhale the sweet scent of her skin but he didn't want to rush things. He still had false hopes.

He walked Rey back to her apartment while animatedly discussing the movie and the karaoke party that Poe and Finn, a couple of friends of Rey and Rose, were planning to host.

"Are you going to go?" Ben asked

“Yes, Finn is like a brother to me. And Poe is awesome. You should come, I'm sure you'll have fun. "

“If you go then okay,” Ben muttered shyly.

They had arrived at Rey's front door.

"Good n--" Before he had a chance to finish, Rey had pulled him by his coat and planted her lips fiercely on Ben's full ones. A much more passionate kiss, Rey's hands clinging to the dark curls of Ben who held her face in his hands.

When they pulled away breathless, Rey gave him a last smile over her shoulder before entering the building.

An hour later, sitting on the couch in his living room trying to work on an engine project, Ben was just replaying the events of the evening in his head, trying to engrave in his memory every detail of it. Rey: her laughter, the way her nose curled when she laughed, her kindness…

His phone beeped.

_Good night boyfriend. See you tomorrow 💖_

Ben had trouble sleeping that night, his heart was pounding so hard in his chest.

  
  


Their story began like that. Made up of tenderness, film and karaoke evenings, romantic dinners, walks hand in hand in the parks, long discussions where they got to know each other.

Rey ends up opening up a bit and revealing her difficult past, the death of her parents, a grandfather who didn't love her and who died when she was nine, leaving her with nothing but a box of old brushes that she adored and that has always been in the family. 

She had found herself tossed around in host families, some worse than the other. 

At 16 she finally arrived at Maz Kanata home who treated her - finally - like her daughter and not like a check. It was she who pushed her to draw and paint and submit her works to a competition. She had won a scholarship and had been able to pursue her dream.

Ben also let slip bits of his past. His childhood had not been easy : his parents were not very present. His mother, monopolized by the family aeronautic business that she had inherited from her parents and which was the market leader, was only there in gales and his father, a pilot who was always in the four corners of the world but almost never at home. 

Ben had grown up in solitude, closed in on himself. To pass the time, he had fun building things from scratch, so it was only natural that he chose to continue in engineering after high school. He thought it would fill his parents with pride, but even that had gone unnoticed.

One day, anger took precedence over resignation and sadness. For once the family was together and at one point someone asked what day it was. Her mother, Leia, eyes suddenly widened in guilt: they had forgotten his birthday the week before.

Ben left the house that night, went back to his room at the college and didn't speak to them for years.

He shone in his studies and it was then that he met Armitage who became his brother, himself having family problems with an abusive father.

They were hired by the firm competing with that of his family, the First Order. It was one more victory for Ben but deep down he felt empty. Years passed and his discomfort grew stronger, he felt bad about himself due to the incessant bullying from his boss, Snoke.

At 26 he couldn't take it anymore, he resigned with Armitage and reconnected with his parents. His mother hired him in her business and he set about rebuilding himself.

Rey and he understood each other. They were there for each other. Rey was absolutely amazing, he was crazy about her. He could spend hours by her side while she painted, watching how her talent brought everything to life on the canvas. Her kindness and gentleness made him melt permanently. 

He loved to see her contort with pleasure under his caresses, feel her tighten and reach the most perfect ecstasy. And how much he adored being in her! So soft, so tight.

After several disappointing stories, he discovered that happiness really existed.

He was the first to say “I love you” one morning when he saw Rey eating pancakes wearing only one of his sweaters, twice as big for her. Nothing special had happened but seeing her like that made his heart leap in his chest.

Rey was no slouch. From her traumatic childhood resulted in a visceral fear of becoming attached to someone, in case they left and didn’t come back. But gradually she had felt confident with Ben. His sensitivity and humor matched hers, they were like two sides of the same coin. He was always there to cheer her on when she doubted herself in front of her canvas. His compliments were always the most adorable, usually accompanied by a bouquet of flowers that perfumed her apartment and made her float on a little cloud when she received them. Her favorite moments were when they were huddled together, whispering little words of love. She always had butterflies in her stomach when she thought of him. She loved him so much that it scared her sometimes.

 _Maybe there is someone for me finally_ Rey often thought

After a year, he offered to move in together. Which Rey gladly accepted, hugging her as he spun her around, laughing happily. It was just a formality, considering the time they spent with each other. Sometimes entire days went by without them returning to their respective apartments. They always left a change of clothes as well as food and bedding for Beebee.

Rey had a lower salary than Ben, her apartment was barely sufficient for her, Beebee and all her painting supplies. It made sense that she was the one moving. In Ben's apartment she might even have her own work space, Ben had surprised her by converting one of the rooms. 

So on a sunny Sunday in June her friends gathered to transport Rey's things. A party was organized because according to Ben “We have to celebrate your arrival my heart”.=

In contact with Rey, Ben had left his nature reserve and was going towards the others. He had forged a strong friendship with Poe and Finn and with Armie they had formed an amateur rock band: Ben and Poe on vocals, Armie on guitar and Finn on drums. Nothing ambitious, just funny moments, fond memories and unwavering bonds.

The partying would have continued into the morning if Ben and Rey hadn't found a way to get everyone out so they could have sex on every surface in the apartment. It wasn't the first time, but now it was _her home_ , Rey realized with satisfaction, curled up against her lover.

"Do you think they'll blame us?" Rey asked half worried half amused

"About what ? We didn't do anything wrong. We just - _expressed_ _our mutual attraction in no uncertain gestures_ ”Ben chuckled, burying his head in Rey's hair. They rolled around laughing on the mat where they had finished their sex marathon.

"I love you so much" Ben cooed, pecking kisses on every inch of skin he could reach.

"Me too"

A white and orange ball embedded itself in the melee, deciding he wanted a hug, too.

“Ouch Beebee! Your claws! Little gremlin! "

  
  


There were of course arguments as in all couples. Being in a relationship is one thing, but living with a person on a daily basis is another. Adjustments, compromises and goodwill were necessary. There was a middle ground between Rey and her lack of organization and Ben’s tidiness.

  
  


There were sorrows. Like when Beebee, after spending almost ten years with Rey, fell asleep one night never to wake up. The loss of the little cat left a great void in their apartment and in Rey's heart. It was during this time that her attachment anxieties returned. Ben took her to therapy and helped her through this ordeal by promising to always be there for her.

One day she wanted to paint a portrait of Beebee as a souvenir. She looked at her brushes for a long time and without really knowing why her choice fell on one of the brushes she had inherited from her grandfather. Price brushes she was never allowed to touch when she lived with him. When he died, it was the only thing she had taken with her when social services came to pick her up.

The afternoon was well underway when she decided to take a break. As she rummaged through one of her shelves she heard a small _meow_. Then another. 

_Funny, looks like Beebee_ thought Rey. But it wasn’t possible and she knew it.

And yet. When she turned her head Beebee was there, clearly visible. His little round head tilted to the side as if to say " _So what_?! My croquettes! ”.

“Ben come see!”

"What's the matter ?"

"Look !"

Ben looked around on the studio doorstep, mug in hand.

"Look what exactly ?"

He couldn't see. Yet Beebee was scratching his shoe and circling around, trying to climb him. Only her could see him.

“Your painting is beautiful”. Ben walked out of the room thinking the painting was why she had brought him in. She doesn't contradict him, she felt like she was losing her mind.

Beebee continued to rummage around the workshop as he had done before. To her surprise Rey could touch him.

He gradually disappeared after a few hours.

She started another painting of Beebee a few days later but nothing happened. She did it several times in a row before realizing that Beebee only appeared when she was painting with her grandfather's brush.

When she was sad she would draw Beebee and spend the afternoon with him like old times. It was her little secret.

  
  


The meeting with the respective families was distressing in more ways than one. Maz scrutinized Ben from every angle and bombarded him with questions like a judge. Questions that stressed them both because neither Ben nor Rey knew what the old lady expected as the right answer. Especially when she asked a question like "Do you like broccoli?" She didn't say anything about her opinions, but after three meetings she whispered to Rey: "He's a good kid."

Meeting with Ben's family stressed Rey for weeks to the point that she lost her sleep and appetite. Ben had given her some details but Poe once sent her a related article asking, "Isn't Leia Organa Ben's mother?" This is how Rey realized that being in a relationship with Ben was setting foot in a completely different social environment. His parents were extremely wealthy and influential. Her grandmother had a hospital named after her. What would they think of their only son being in a relationship with an artist?

And as she apprehended, Leia cooked her straight away: _How did you meet? You work ? How many boyfriends before Ben?_ All with a contemptuous and condescending tone. Rey endured, gritting her teeth until Ben got angry and threatened his mother to cut ties again if she didn't stop behaving like an elitist snob. After that, the relationship calmed down and one day Leia finally confessed to her that she would be eternally grateful to her for making her son so happy. 

As for Han he welcomed Rey with open arms, reveling in telling her embarrassing stories about baby Ben that made Rey laugh to tears and blush the white of Ben's eyes.

  
  


They were going to celebrate their three years as a couple. For some time, they had been discussing the future, what they wanted out of life and neither of them imagined their life without the other.

To celebrate their birthdays, Ben had prepared a weekend at Naboo Castle, a luxury establishment. He wanted everything to be perfect, even if it meant kitsch.

The evening of their arrival, they went to dinner by the lake to watch the sunset.

Ben's hands were sweaty and the box he had in his pocket felt like a ton.

When dessert was served as Rey pointed at the colors of the sky she turned around.

“Ben?”

Ben was on one knee, the little box in his hand revealing the beautiful ring belonging to his grandmother that he had remodeled for Rey. The magnificent solitaire shone surrounded by two emeralds.

“Rey, the last three years have been the best of my life. I rediscovered how to laugh with you. How to love. How to be happy. You are a ray of sunshine in my life. Every day I thank Armitage for dragging me to this evening where I was able to cross your path. Rey would you do me the honor of marrying me? "

Rey rushed crying into his arms, knocking him back, struggling to articulate a “Yes” between her sobs. Ben slipped the ring on her finger, trembling before pulling her close to kiss her as the sky filled with pink and fiery gleams.

  
  


The marriage was magnificent. Rey and Ben had next to nothing to do, Leia and Rose had gone wild for them. It had taken a year to organize everything, Leia and Rose demanding nothing less than perfection.

The ceremony took place in the rose garden of a private estate.

Ben had thought his heart was going to burst when he saw Rey walk up the aisle on Maz's arm, in a gorgeous white dress that hugged each of her curves before falling to the floor in a cascade of frou frou and lace.

He wished the ceremony had lasted longer but soon they found themselves exchanging their vows eye to eye, trying as best they could not to cry in emotion.

_I promise to always be by your side no matter what, to love you and to keep making you laugh like the first day._

_I promise you will never be alone again._

Alliances followed and soon they kissed as Mr. and Mrs. Solo.

The reception was like the ceremony but they did not enjoy much, alone in their world.

“Mr. Solo”

“Mrs Solo” countered Ben with his eternal little smirk hugging her against him on the dance floor.

"My husband"

"My wife"

  
  


They decided to buy a house. A cottage with a garden and a magnificent wisteria that ran on the walls of a gazebo. Rey had always dreamed of living in a house with a garden with lots of flowers and vegetation, it was calming and a great source of inspiration.

“And there is enough to make several rooms…” Ben implied.

They both agreed to wait a bit before becoming parents. They wanted children but they wanted to relish a little bit of being a young married couple for a while. They both needed this, they were still afraid of repeating their parents' mistakes. They reassured each other, each having no doubts about the other. Rey knew Ben would be perfect, he would be there. Ben knew Rey would be a loving mother, he saw her with children in her painting classes, it was natural with her.

Their first wedding anniversary was approaching. It was the date they had chosen to start trying.

_Soon_

  
  
  


Rey and Armie had organized a party at their house like the good old days. They couldn't see each other as much as they did before between work, couples, the baby (he and Rose had had a baby girl six months earlier) but tonight it would be a party like before, Rose's sister was babysitting the baby. 

Everybody was there. Except Ben. Poe was already taking stock of what to eat, Armitage and Finn bickering over the end of the Galaxy Wars saga, and Rose was recounting Amelia's latest progress to Rey.

Rey wasn't really listening, Ben wasn't there yet, though he should. He had called her when he left his office. And usually he always warned her when there was a traffic jam.

She called him back for the third time. Voice messaging.

As she was about to try again for the fourth time, her phone rang.

“Madame Solo? It’s the Amidala hospital, your husband had an accident, you have to come _now_ ”

  
  


The words echoed in her head as Armitage rushed them to the hospital. 

_Accident. How? What?_

The white walls. The blinding neon lights. The smell of disinfectant.

Talk to the nurse. Ask for news. Wait for the doctors.

See them arrive.

Just seeing their faces she knew.

But yet a part of her screamed for hope.

She didn't hear the words, she was in a fog.

It wasn’t possible.

_Accident_

_Hit_

_Barrels_

_Already dead when …_

She just heard an inhuman scream and part of her was shocked to realize that it was her who was making that sound.

She felt like someone had stuck a dagger in her heart.

_Do you want to see him ?_

She collapsed along the doorframe, moaning in pain, her cheeks streaming with tears when she saw him.

There he was, lying on the bed. He seemed to be sleeping.

It couldn't be, it couldn't be real. He was going to wake up and smile at her as usual "Is everything okay sweetheart?"

Except that he would never smile at her again.

She collapsed in tears over her body which was already starting to cool and stiffen. She hugged him, begging him to come back.

_Come back, please._

_I love you._

  
  


She spent the next few days with Leia and Han in a fog. They hadn't wanted to leave her alone. It was as if they had suddenly taken fifteen years.

Everything was blurry, she was physically there but mentally elsewhere. Tears flowed constantly. She felt empty as if part of her had been ripped off.

They took care of the funeral, she was in no condition to make phone calls and do paperwork.

  
  


The funeral seemed surreal to her. It wasn't Ben, it wasn't possible.

But it was him in the black coffin.

She was always on the verge of falling, Rose had to support her throughout the ceremony. She listened to the insipid speeches of all these people who spoke of Ben but who didn't really know him.

The closing of the coffin and the burial were torture, they tore off her Ben, she would never see his face again.

She was screaming in sadness, Poe hugging her, struggling to hold her back as the male family and close friends - Han, Chewie, Lando, Luke, Armitage and Finn - carried the coffin. 

Armitage, already usually pale, was green, his eyes swollen with tears.

Shake hands. Pretending to listen to the same words of condolence repeated dozens of times, so much so that they lost their meaning.

She stayed in front of the grave until it got dark and the cemetery closed.

  
  


She returned home quickly. Leia and Han wanted her to stay with them, but Rey didn't know how to deal with their own grief.

The house was sad and empty. Wherever she looked, she saw Ben again, heard his laughter. The rooms still echoed with their laughter, their joy, their love. On the dining room table, there was still the note he had left her that morning because he had left before her.

_See you tonight sweetheart I love you_

But there would never be nights.

Neither morning, nor waking up coiled against him.

Nor kisses.

Nothing.

The walls were covered with pictures of them: on vacation, with friends, with family.

Their wedding photos were the biggest. Rey collapsed in front of them, crying again in pain.

A new ordeal awaited him in the bedroom. Their room. The bed seemed even bigger than it was. The nursery in the next room that they had started to format on plans. The room would remain empty forever now.

His scent was everywhere.

They had made love the day before. She saw him again, breathless, a blissful smile on his lips as she leaned on him.

She couldn't sleep in this bed. She could not. She couldn't sleep at all. He was no longer there against her.

She got a spare blanket and went downstairs to the living room.

She curled up on the sofa and fell asleep crying.

  
  


Get up. Get dressed. Go to work. Lunch. Job. Go to the cemetery. Go home. Wash yourself. Eat. Cry. Go to bed.

A meaningless routine for a life that had lost all interest. She worked as an automaton.

She didn't want to paint anymore. Walking into her studio reminded her of all the hours she had spent there with Ben when he posed for her.

She had taken a full-time job teaching art at the local school.

Every day she would stop at the cemetery and talk to Ben. _I miss you so much. I'm lost without you._

Every evening she returned home to an empty house, filled with memories that haunted her.

Weekends were the worst days of the week. She didn't have the classes to clear her head.

_What if the car hadn't run the red light_

_What if she hadn’t called Ben to ask him to pick up some dessert._

_And if…_

_I thought we would always be together. You promised me._

The thing that scared her now was to forget.

Forget about his smile, the sparkle in his eyes, his laughter. Forget the feel of his skin on hers. Forget about its heat, its smell. Forget those memories.

She had kept his clothes in the closet and rarely went there to remember his scent, a mixture of musky eau de toilette.

She was still sleeping on the sofa even though her back was hurting.

  
  


She had locked herself in her grief and distanced herself from her friends and in-laws.

Her friends couldn't understand. They missed Ben but he was not their soul mate.

She pretended to have copies to correct, projects to put together when they invited her.

Little by little, the ditch widened. The messages and the calls became less frequent. They didn't know what to do to try to help her.

Rey didn’t respond to the wedding invitations or the birth announcement. Seeing the happiness around her only increased her despair.

She saw the photos of Poe and Finn’s wedding on facebook and the birth photos of little Benji, Rose and Armie’s son, on Instagram.

Leia and Han had persisted longer. It was more difficult to decline their invitations. Everyone knows that schools are closed during the holidays. The coup de grace came two years after Ben's death. They had come unexpectedly. Rey opened the door to them with red eyes.

The conversation had been tense. At any moment the name of Ben was likely to pop up. Leia had beaten around the bush a lot before she ended up saying softly:

“Maybe you should go ahead Rey? Meet new people, rebuild your life ”. It was said very gently, but it didn't stop Rey from feeling like her chest was being opened again.

"Never !" she cried. “Get out! Get out! Get out! ” The screams had changed to tears.

Leia and Han left and continued to send her letters but they didn’t return.

Maz had tried too, but a disease took her away, leaving Rey alone with her grief.

  
  
  


The studio door creaked as she opened it. Ben hadn't been here for four years. She had been asked to participate in a painting project in high school so she unwillingly resigned herself to touching up her brushes.

Everything was covered with dust. She fell back on old works she had done in the days of happiness. This landscape was their holidays in the mountains. This was the first time she saw the sea. Ben posing. Beebee.

Beebee …

Lots of little drawings of the cat.

She then remembered this strange phenomenon. The weird brush. The grief over losing Beebee had faded several years ago, and she had stopped painting it and hadn't thought about this strange story too much.

She looked at the brush.

She shouldn't, the pain would only be greater. She knew that if she started she could never stop.

But despite that she took a sheet of paper and quickly painted Ben. Just the silhouette and the main features of the face.

She put down the brush and dared to look shyly over her shoulder.

Whiskey eyes scrutinized her.

"Hello sweetheart"

  
  


She was shaking, tears were flowing again. She didn't dare believe it.

Ben was right there in front of her, wearing his eternal black sweatshirt and blue jeans. 

Tangled hair, eyes and sad smile.

She let herself fall into his arms, which immediately closed around her and hugged so hard it felt like her rib cage was about to burst.

"I'm so sorry, I promised you that I would never leave you and yet"

They remained entwined for several minutes, exchanging kisses that tasted salty like tears.

“I miss you so much Ben”

“I know honey,” Ben replied sadly, stroking her cheek. He hated to see her cry, it was the worst thing in the world for him to watch her destroy herself day after day without being able to do anything.

They remained entwined for several hours, Ben cradling Rey. She felt it become transparent under her fingers and fade away.

"See you soon my love"

She screamed again in pain to see him go and slammed her fist on the ground.

It was past midnight, she had class the next day.

She didn't have time to try again.

She fell asleep crying, in a hurry to be the next night.

  
  


The routine changed: Getting up alone. Cry. Get dressed. Go to work. Lunch. Job. Go to the cemetery. Go home. Wash yourself. Eat. Paint.

Every night she painted and Ben appeared.

She perfected her technique and eventually realized that the more pushed the board, the more energy Ben had and the longer he stayed. She was satisfied with small drawings during the week and on the weekends it was a beautiful painting that kept Ben on Saturday night and much of Sunday.

During the few hours that Ben was there, she came alive. They were reading together as before under the gazebo, Rey sitting on his lap and Ben reading over her shoulder, the rays of sunlight brushing against their skin.

When correcting copies, he sometimes put his two cents in: 

“You are too nice in the notes. This Beaumont doesn't even know how to write the painter's name! ”

"And you're too severe" she retorted, kissing his nose.

  
  


Every night before her birthday, Ben would ask Rey to paint it the next day with flowers like this when he appeared he handed her a bunch of sunflowers and cooed:

"Happy Birthday sweetheart"

  
  


On Ben's birthday, Rey was painting nude and when he arrived Ben was greeted by an erotic sight draped over sheets, brush in hand.

On their wedding anniversary Ben would turn on the stereo and put on slows and waltzes and pull Rey against him. One hand around her waist, the other in her hair, his head above hers, they roamed the living room again and again.

“Do you remember our wedding? The DJ who had to perform the same song twice in a row because we kept dancing? "

Rey laughed softly as she remembered the scene. “Your mom and dad who came with us so it wouldn't sound weird.”

They continued to spin, lost in their world.

  
  


Sometimes they would watch a movie or a series, Ben cackling in excitement at everything he had missed.

She would go on weekends with her paint and brushes, discovering new horizons with him.

She could almost have believed that everything was normal. Except it wasn't and Ben was still going to leave. Every night was heartbreaking. Especially the Sunday nights when Ben had spent the day with her.

“Don't waste your life for me Rey,” Ben begged her sometimes, pleading for her to stop and try to rebuild herself.

"Would you be ready to see me with someone else?"

Ben opened his mouth but no sound came out. He could have pretended, but they all knew the truth.

  
  


Months and years went by. There were now hundreds and hundreds of drawings and paintings lining the studio and other rooms of the house. Ben in all possible and unimaginable positions. Standing, sitting, dressed, naked, with flowers, a book, with a beard or without …

Rey still couldn't help but cry when Ben left. Whenever he felt himself disappear, he hugged her and kissed her before leaving and she invariably found herself on her knees with her arms hugging an empty space.

The wound in her heart was still gaping, night after night it got a little bigger to the point where Rey wondered if her heart was still alive or if she was a living dead.

The holidays were the easiest times, she had all the time she wanted to paint so she could do large paintings that kept Ben for days in a row. The summer holidays in particular were the best, the weather was wonderful, she and Ben were mostly in the garden reading, laughing, bickering and cuddling.

The resumption of classes was all the more painful. The evening farewells even more heartbreaking.

She knew she couldn't go on this ride endlessly.

The brush was starting to wear out.

Even greater desperation took hold of her.

  
  


One Friday night was more atrocious than the others. She didn't know why. Nothing special had happened. Classes had been as monotonous as ever, lunch in the cafeteria so foul.

She should have been happy though, it would soon be summer vacation again. Hours ahead with her love.

But something was disturbing her. Was it the Naboo Castle ad she'd seen that morning that reminded her once again of the moment Ben had made his proposal?

Was it the couples enjoying the sun she passed on the way to school?

Was it the fact that in the morning, future students had come accompanied by their parents to see where they were going to study in September? Rey had to introduce them to the arts room. But as she was about to greet the group, a couple with a little girl caught her eye. The father's red hair, the mother's black hair. And a little girl of about eight who was leaping with excitement and whose father gently scolded with "Calm down Amelia, be patient."

The air suddenly became unbreathable. Armie, Rose and Amélia. Fate was decidedly determined to make her suffer until the end.

She had run to her car and stormed off without looking back, not responding to her colleagues calling behind her.

She spent the day in front of Ben's grave.

She would never have a happy ending, never have children running around her. She couldn't stop Ben from leaving. And she couldn't stand it anymore. She had been right years earlier when she had stared at the brush for hours hesitating: once started she couldn't stop.

After Ben left that evening, she went to bed as usual in tears.

  
  


She woke up in the middle of the night with a strange idea. If she could make dead beings appear by painting them, what if she painted something alive?

The next day before starting to paint her big painting of the weekend, she painted the fly that was on the windowsill. A few minutes later, the fly disappeared and did not return.

Rey sat down and looked around.

She had just found a solution. But that was the last step to take, would she have the strength?

  
  


The summer passed as usual at full speed. Every day she took two hours to look at their memories in order to engrave them in her memory. She memorized every corner of the house.

Twice a week she had to paint and the rest of the time Ben was with her.

She gradually wrote a letter in secret. According to the photos she found on facebook, her friends still lived in the same place. She had inherited Ben's property. And his life insurance. Not to mention her wages which had only been used to pay for the bare necessities and her painting equipment. There were now hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank. 

She would soon no longer need it, as much as those who had been in her life would benefit.

  
  


Finally one Friday she painted her last painting. The most successful. Her swan song. She hid it in the gazebo, she didn't want Ben to understand and stop her.

She posted the letter, it would arrive a few days later.

The weekend passed gently between hugs, carefree laughter, rest in the garden and the gazebo. They slept under the stars, Ben glued to her and showed her the constellations. 

Beebee was here too, with Rey adding him to the painting.

Sunday passed at full speed.

Evening finally arrives. Rey and Ben were in the gazebo.

Ben pulled Rey against him. "It's almost time," he whispered through her hair.

"I know". She had been feeling tingling all over her body for many minutes now.

Ben pulled back and looked at her. His eyes widened in panic seeing that Rey was turning pale like him.

"What did you do ?"

Rey went to pull out the painting she had hidden in the corner. She had painted all three of them.

"I found a way to never be apart from you again"

Ben was trying to figure out how and finally the cogs fell into place.

“No, Rey not like that” Ben sobbed. He never wanted this. He never wanted to see her miserable and her life stolen from him. And because of him …

He was on his knees, his hands over his eyes, in despair. Beebee circled around meowing. 

Rey dropped down beside him and took his hands:

“Chh don't cry, we'll be fine”

They didn't have much time, they were less and less consistent.

Rey took her phone and played _Smoke gets in your eyes_

“One last dance in this world?”

He stood up and took her outstretched hand and they began to stomp against each other, letting themselves be carried away by the sweetness of the music. Their lives and their regrets paraded before them.

“You won't be alone anymore” Ben whispered

"Neither will you"

  
  


Leaving was a strange feeling, as if she was looking at the scene with an external eye.

The music rose in the final crescendo. They were almost transparent now. Beebee was already gone.

Ben planted his lips on Rey's as the last sentence roared across the room. And the next moment he was gone.

Rey followed shortly after. She felt like she was sinking into an endless abyss.

When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was Ben reaching out to her.

  
  


The sun was entering through the large windows of the gazebo. A nearly discharged phone was lying on the floor, ringing in the void with no one around to answer.

The light fell on a painting. A young man was giving his hand to a young woman, a small cat was her shoulder.

Their smile radiated love.

And if we strained our ears we could hear in the distance the echo of their laughter and their past joys.


End file.
